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Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
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Happy valentines day flist!...If I still have an flist.
It's been a long long time, and I've been very busy. Mostly being ignored by my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure she doesnt read this, like I'm also pretty sure she doesnt read the emails I send or the messages I leave on her voicemail. Mostly I'm just using fake anger to mask real worry.
So I've been working since september. You get to guess what my job is
Clues:
I work with kids
I'm not a teacher
I work with computers
I'm not a "tech guy"
I work with teachers
I'm not a student
a million gold stars to anyone who gets it. So my email is Seishenoru@gmail.com. Send me a line if you still read this. Byebye!
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Saturday, September 30th, 2006
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Hey LJ, how are you? Me I'm not doing so well. Which sadly is why I'm here to announce this.
HIATUS.
Oh no, don't cry LJ. I'll be back one day. When you ask? Oh don't worry your pretty little head, I don't know! My life and the things in it are making it harder for me to get on here. But hey, I'll still likely be on AIM, or you can send me an email. Don't cry, your ruining your make up! We wouldn't want that. My life just needs a while to catch up with the rest of the world.
I'll catch you on the flipside.
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Monday, September 25th, 2006
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Dear Jewish God/Jesus/Buddha/Vishnu/Chuck norris. Why oh why did you ever invent Caffeine free Diet Dr. Pepper!? Why?
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Monday, August 28th, 2006
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I don't know. I don't normally post these when I take them but it was pretty accurate.
| Your Passion is Yellow | 
You're a total sexual shape shifter.
You possess a complex sex drive and are very adaptable.
Of all the colors, you are the most likely to be bisexual.
While you the most passionate, you are very open minded. |
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Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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| Time: | 9:24 am. |
| Mood: |  angry. |
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Blah.
My family is really pissing me off, and I miss Jen something fierce. >>
Nothing else to report unless you want to hear me rant!
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Sunday, August 20th, 2006
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Yo~ Sup? I snagged this icon from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) blitzed I love it so much I'm using it right away~
If you're reading this blitzed I did a little research on that girl you had in your Air Gear Icons, and she's like Akito/Agito or something? I dont know, but your icons of her are so awesome.
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BLAH.
I'm hungry, and I wanted a doughnut. So My mom buys two kinds of doughnuts the other day. One box of chocolate, one box of non chocolate. Now of course, I hate chocolate. It literally makes me ill I hate it so much. So I go up for a doughtnut, and low and behold! All the chocolate doughnuts are left, but all the plain are gone! Now my family claims to be chocoholics, YET THEY CANT LEAVE ME A FREAKING PLAIN DOUGHNUT!?...
I've had a very emotional couple of days and so blah. this was just the thing that set me off. Plus my headphones freaking broke.I've had these like 4 dollar headphones for like 3 years. Always worked perfectly for me. They sounded AWESOME, worked well, and were just the best cheap headphones I've had ever. And I broke em like an idiot. blagh. I wish someone was online right now.
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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
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Ugh. Never go looking up what sorts of spiders live in your state late at night, when all the lights are off. Everythime there is a little bit of air movemnt, or one of the cats touch me I about freak and jump. Blagh. XD
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Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
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So uhh been a while since I've updated. I'm currently worried about jen, as it's been more than a week (I think more than two) since I've spoken to her. She's not answering her phone, I've not gotten an email response, nothing. So this is the point when chris starts calling alot every night in the hopes that I figure out whats going on, because I get super worried. This is the worst part of the long distance relationship I think. I fret everytime I don't hear from her because I'm afraid something is wrong.
Ummm...My cousins from cali are in visiting, which is nice. I <3 them. I've never really known rachel cause she's so much older, but laura and adam are <3. Jon is now too though, that he's old enough to be cool. XD
I'm tempted to take up writing again. I'm sort of looking for someone to help me with grammar and punctuation, as I've not ever really taken english classes, so I'm sort of behind in those areas.
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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. |
✓ I own lots of books. |
| ✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
✓ I love to play video games. |
✓ I've tried marijuana. |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. |
✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... )
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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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Hey,
I've been having a rough go of things. I don't really talk about my problems very often to most of you, but like...I've been struggling with a bout of depression and emotional problems, among alot of other things, I just wanted to say it has meant alot to me to have everyone in my life. I may not talk to y'all as much as I would like or should, but you are all very special to me.
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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
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ugh.
I've been away for along time and such, and I know this is a silly thing to come back and talk about, but I'm tired of people in the martial arts world (or even just people who wish they were)doing this eternal "My martial art has a bigger penis than your martial art!" BS.
Seriously, it reminds me of when my friends used to go "Yeah well my dad could beat up your dad!"
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Have you ever seen a film in which you've written something VERY similar a long time ago,and while you never planned on showing it to anyone,you get terribly irked cause now if you ever did they'd think you stole it from the media source? Urg.
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Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
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| Your Love Number is 4 | 
You are a creative and expressive lover - a true romantic at heart.
An introspective soul, you know exactly how your ideal relationship should be.
But if you don't get that ideal, you tend to get a bit pouty and dramatic.
You need someone who can roll with the punches, that's for sure! |
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some days I just feel so disconnected from life.
I just want to bury myself under a bottle or a pill or a needle. But I don't. Because I know I hate those things. but I just dont want to deal with everything thats out there. It's not so wrong to want slow down and be depressed every once in a while is it?
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Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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I'm going to break away from my normal lame entry blitz, and Post here, a song lyric. A song that I heard tonight, pulled over the car, and listened to full blast.
There is no song that could capture what I feel better than this.
"Hey There Delilah"
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in new York city
I'm a thousand miles away
but girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me Butterfly.
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Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
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I've been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder minus the psychotic episodes. I've been prescrived Depakote ER to balance my moods, and Fish oil to help stabilize brain function. Of course, my mom refuses to beleive that the doctor diagnosed me with Bi-polar disorder, even though the doctor right out said that was one of the issues she saw, and presribed me a bi-polar disorder medication, but as always my mom=smarter than everyone else, but especially me. And of course, my father spent 5 minutes looking the drug up on the internet, and so now he's a genius in the field of medicine, and I'm not allowed to take it.
Soo...Unless something changes fast, I'm still not going to be getting any help putting my life back together. Aren't parents grand?
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| Time: | 4:29 am. |
| Mood: |  irate. |
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have you ever hit a point where like, youre just burned out of everything? Burned out of people, burned out of life, of friends, of games, of work(or looking for it), of family, of television, of driving, of freaking everything? And you hit this point where you're so lonely and dont want to do anything?
If you have, have you ever notice how suddenly everyone who means something to you suddenly seems to dissapear? Not like, abandon you, but need to move on in their life? Like, all of my friends are gone somehwere or another right now. Jen, whom I miss very much, is mia and I'm very concerned. I keep writing her huge long emails and then trashing them cause they sound pathetic. or like, Liz is in..some state that has cows or something. I forget, cause it's late. Zoe is..always somewhere else. We're never online. Vee, I havent properly talked to her in ages. And there are tons more, those are just the ones that are striking me most at the moment.
and it's like, you just go crazy and start tearing your hair out and then something good happens? Like the other night I had a great conversation with Ana, who I haven't seen in a million years. And that was awesome, but then we had to part, and she hasnt signed on since, and it made me even more depressed. and now I'm being all emo about all the friends I've essentially lost.
Like bee. Like, she's still around, and stuff. But we're so different now. We will sometimes drop each other comments, or sometimes I'll IM her, but I just don't have the drive to sustain a conversation, and she doesnt appear to have the urge to. So like, that bites.
And then like, I'm sick of my family, and of colton, and of everyone around me. And like, I'm not taking care of myself right now. I'm not eating right, not brushing my teeth, or showering as much as I should be. Just cause I like don't care about myself right now. What does it really matter? And I know I should, and I know I'm being silly, but at the same time, I'm going fnucking crazy.
Someone save me. =/
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| What Your Soul Really Looks Like | 
You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.
You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.
You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true.
Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize.
For you, falling in love has never been easy. You can only fall for someone who is very patient and persistent. |
I put this in here cause it struck me. I hope it's right. :D
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Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
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I dunno. I'm scraping my life together. I'm working so very hard, I'm trying to get a job, I'm trying to get a life. But you know, as pressing as all of my problems are, and as much as I'd love to rant about them, something else feels more pressing to me.
Now I know my friends list probably goes "Oh god boy get a life" everytime I make one of these entries for Jen, but seeing as I can't have personal PDA's, I sure as hell am going to milk these moments where I can show you my affection online.
I think I've always loved you. I know we've had our ups and downs, I know we've had our rough spots, and I know you've stayed with me when most women would leave. I know that I love and appreciate you more than you can know. I know you've been patient and caring and understanding. And I know you mean everything to me.
And I also know that somehow the nights without you are the lonliest, and the days are just as bad. I promise if it's what you want, probably not right away, but we can be together soon. Thats what I'm working so damned hard for.
The nights really are the worst.
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lonely.